Hand tying ceremony
From the earliest times in our human history, the covenant of marriage has been a cornerstone of society.
There have a number of variations on the theme: the “trial marriage”, in which the two people live together for a year, and then have an opportunity to change their minds and separate, free to choose another. The only exception would be if a child had been conceived, in which they would remain married. Then there are “arranged marriages”, in which the respective parents negotiate the match, sometimes with the couple meeting briefly before the ceremony, or sometimes not meeting at all until the ceremony takes place. As marriage is practiced in Western society, the couple meet, court, are betrothed and then marry, with very little reference, if any, to the parents or other family members.
Some common elements are: vows, tokens of marriage (hand tying, rings …), the provision of a dowry, the payment of a bride-price, a civil or religious ceremony, the testimony of witnesses, the role of a minister, magistrate or celebrant, a celebration and feast, and the consummation as a seal of the covenant.
Why has marriage always been considered a non-negotiable part of the fabric of society, and why has that changed?
I think that every person is made in God’s image, and our behaviour reflects that image. Every religious system, culture and society instinctively has certain common denominators which reflect God’s character: a moral code that condemns murder, theft, falsehood, bondage and unfaithfulness. A system of covenant agreements for adoption, business transactions, betrothal, marriage and tribal loyalty. Rites of passage, e.g. birth, puberty, maturity and death. Punishment for breaking agreed-on rules could be death, flogging, compensation, bond-service, humiliation, imprisonment or banishment. Health regulations for disposal of human waste, dietary laws and infection control. These are just some of the things that are common to every society in every age.
Particularly in Western culture, many of these norms have been thrown out, with horrifying results. We have loss of identity, overcrowded prisons, addiction, sex-slavery, fractured families, lack of commitment, a refusal to accept responsibility, a blame culture, isolation and loneliness, suicide, fraud, corrupt courts, a huge divide between the rich and the poor, a hunger for spirituality that is not being satisfied because churches no longer have answers, neighbourhoods like war-zones and a prevailing attitude of utter despair.
Jesus used many parallels to explain God’s kingdom. His people are a flock, an army, stones in a building, members of a living body, a family, a priesthood and more, but the analogies that most powerfully illustrate God’s relationship to His people are those of adoption and of marriage.
God’s relationship to His people is one of inviolable faithfulness on His part, a promise never to forsake us, a covenant sealed in His own blood, His choosing of His bride, His provision, His protection, His gracious love which does not depend on our performance but on His infinite unconditional compassion.
When we despise the marriage covenant, we are proclaiming a lie about what God is like. He is not fickle. His love for us doesn’t depend on His feelings, but on His promise, His decision to love us forever. We need never fear His desertion. As His children we will never fear our Father walking out on us.
Husbands, love your wives
God commands men: “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”. We ignore this opportunity to bless our families at our peril.
It’s not too late to save our societies. Let’s start by entering into a covenant of faithful love with our wives. If we don’t start here, nothing else will ever work.
Marriage vows and wedding vows
